29th February 2020
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Wild African Elephants

In 2013, I visited an elephant orphanage in Kenya. The orphanage houses baby elephants until they are grown and then released into the wild. As usual, it attracts lots of tourists especially those not familiar with the territory. The nursery keeper kept warning them, “Wild African Elephants are dangerous.” They are not like Asian Elephants where you can climb on them for fun or play with them.

For me, African Elephants can signify anything. We know families in Africa where no good thing happen: no graduates, untimely deaths, no progress, no jobs, sickness etc. They are African Elephants! I am speaking to those who know that in their families, these things happen with no concrete explanation. Or you know your ancestors use to “appease” these elephants with goats, cows, fowls, dry gin telling them “abeg no kill us”, you will then join people in other continents to say “African Juju no dey work” or the worst “abeg there is no God.

I told an intellectual something like this a few years ago and he was like, “Ides, as educated and well-travelled as you are, you still believe all this nonsense”. Yes o, I agree, I am well educated. I cannot count the number of degrees I have and indeed, I have visited about 25 countries in 4 continents and still counting. Still, I know that African elephants are dangerous.

Then I looked at his background, his father is a Pastor, grandfather was an Anglican priest. So after your own ancestors have killed all their own wild elephants and left you with fresh grassland devoid of wild animals, you then want me to join you abi? Right now, I have AK47, Kalashnikov, and grenade cue in Ephesians 6: 10-18 to destroy any elephant on my path. If my children grow up to say “there is no African juju,” I will torment them until they change their mind. If I am dead by then, I will rise up from the grave and torment their spirit until they change their reasoning! Nonsense and ingredients! After taking my time to destroy giving you fertile land in the process, you want to start saying rubbish.

Westerners always come up with different theories. On their continent, they work very fine. However, when they are introduced to Africa, they don’t work. Then they come up with reasons such as “these conditions need to be met before this theory can work.” Of course they work well in their countries, my question is “do they have African elephants?” For example, that’s how everyone was shouting democracy everywhere, introduce to Africa and it’s not working as theorised. As usual, they are come up with all these adjectives such as “illiberal democracy”, “unstable democracy” “tribal politics” etc. African elephants are indeed dangerous!

Anyway, if you think I am talking about physical elephants, na you know. If you say it’s another kind of elephants, what can I say? All I know is that wild African Elephants are dangerous, you either kill or tame them. Choose one!

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